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  • Writer's pictureDemetri Tyler

Okay, Bet... I Hate the Club

Okay, Bet.

Cue the Music

"Siri play I hate the Club by Kehlani"

Unlike the song this story isn't about any kind of love. It's about my absolute distain for the Club.

When I say "Club" I mean like big venues that you have to pay a door fee for. And let's store with the fuckin' scam that is called a door fee or a cover. What in the actual fuck is that? For all the time that I finna spend in here buying basically expensive water with a kick and y'all got the nerve to charge me $20, and don't let it be some special night. One New Year's for some dumb ass reason I got persuaded to go out to a club and before I got there they said the cover for men was $150.


Who in the actual fuck are you foolin'? I was dumfounded. Easy to say I did not go and I ended up just driving my homies car around the city watching fireworks until I had to go be the drunk wagon.

Ok next another reason why I hate the club is I don't do crowds. Meaning I start to have anxiety and panic attacks. I hate being in spaces where I can't move freely. Or I start getting the idea that we are all breathing the same air. Y'all remember that episode of "Hey Arnold" with the germs and they were all over the wall, well (be prepared for a somewhat graphic description) when I'm in spaces that are super packed like a club I start to see all the germs that people breathe, I see one person breathe I the same stuff someone else just breathed out. Just walking around getting contact drunk off the alcohol breath that you just sucked in at the bar.

Since we are at the bar the other reason I don't like the club is the drinks are so damn expensive. Which I guess is the point. And I don't even like to drink like that for real so really more and more it's starting to look like "why would this guy ever go to a club?"

One unexpected thought I just had right now while writing this was Club performances. As a person who really appreciates live music shows, seeing one in a club does not seem ideal. You have some artist who is drunk as shit perfuming to a track. But in reality it's not his DJ and they are just playing the actual song, and the artist is just half yelling random words and some lyrics while the rest of the club raps the words and there are just hello lights and explosions of smoke and confetti that you get convinced that it's something amazing.

Finally, I would have to say the final thing I hate about Clubs is the thick club of "who wants to fuck tonight". And don't want anyone to tell me they don't feel it, If it's not you then it's someone else for sure. Man or Woman. I can't handle it. It's too intense. It's way to many long stares from across the way, and intentionally walking by someone so you can be seen for me. And what also sucks is if you are the person who is just trying to have a good time, there are even people who like to make friends at the club but we all know about the sex cloud, so we all look at each other with mixed feelings. At least that's how I feel.

Well I hate clubs, but I really like bars. So let me know some cool bars from where you are from.




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